1 Corinthians 7:25-40 – Singleness and Living in Light of Eternity

I had the privilege of teaching on 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 and addressing the topic of singleness and living in light of eternal realities rather than our present circumstances. Below is the video of my sermon.

If you prefer a text version, here is (more or less) a transcript of my sermon.

Introduction

Good morning! Please open your Bibles to 1 Corinthians 7.

Recommended Resources:

• 7 Myths about Singleness by Sam Allberry
• Redeeming Singleness by Barry Danylak

I’m also just going to say at the outset, I find it highly ironic that this passage fell just after Valentine’s Day, or as some people call it, Singles Awareness Day. I have it on good authority, though, that this was not intentional.

²⁵ Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. ²⁶ I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. ²⁷ Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. ²⁸ But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

²⁹ This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, ³⁰ and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, ³¹ and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

³² I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. ³³ But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, ³⁴ and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. ³⁵ I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

³⁶ If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. ³⁷ But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. ³⁸ So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

³⁹ A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. ⁴⁰ Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

To say that this passage is a bit confusing or perhaps even contentious would be a bit of an understatement. Just a cursory reading like we have done can leave you with more questions than answers:

• Who is Paul trying to address here?
• What is this “present distress/crisis” that he mentions?
• What is the “appointed time” that has grown short?
• What does he mean by “let those who have wives live as though they had none”?
• Does he really mean what he says that, “he who refrains from marriage will do even better”? And that a widow would be “happier if she remains as she is”—that is unmarried?
• How much of this applies to the Corinthians and how much applies to us?

Ultimately, we are left wondering, “What does Paul really think about marriage and singleness?”

Before I get into the content of the passage, I think it’s necessary to make a few preliminary remarks.

First, I want to be clear about what the relationship ought to be between our doctrines of marriage and singleness. When we speak about singleness and marriage in the church, they can be spoken about in such a way that makes it seem like they are in competition or conflict with one another. Speaking highly of singleness can be misinterpreted as denigration of marriage. Similarly, speaking highly of marriage can be misinterpreted as not properly valuing singleness. The truth is, singleness and marriage ought to be complementary doctrines to one another, not conflicting or competing doctrines. They should reinforce and support the other. Therefore, if today I speak positively of one, I do not mean it as a slight against the other. My goal is to paint a picture in which singleness and marriage are each viewed as high callings worthy of the Christian life.

Second, I want to address the married people in the congregation. You might be tempted to think that because much of the focus today will be on the topic of singleness, that this will have no application for you. Let me give you a few reasons why that is not true:

1. Because singleness and marriage are complementary doctrines, how we view one will directly impact how we view the other. If you have a wrong view of singleness, then you will probably have a wrong view of marriage, and vice versa. Consequently, having a Biblical view of singleness could very well improve your marriage.
2. Even if you yourself are not single, chances are, someone you know is, someone whom you are called to minister to and love. If your theology of singleness or marriage is deficient, you will be ill-equipped to come alongside them and help them discern what ought to be their own response to their situation or to walk alongside them when they are struggling with their own vocation.
3. Singleness incorporates more people than you might initially think. When you think of the group called “singles,” your first thought is probably someone relatively young, never married, and is looking to be married. But singles also include those who are older, never married, and still looking to be married; it includes those who were once married: widows, widowers, and those who are divorced; it includes those who chose to remain single for one reason or another such as those who wrestle with same-sex attractions. Those of you who know me well or saw the talk I gave to the youth group know just how deeply that issue has impacted my own life. How it intersects with my singleness in particular can be quite complicated and painful at times.

This passage is just as applicable to those who are married.

Lastly, let me say a quick word to the singles in the congregation. Some of what I will say today will perhaps bring up some painful feelings. We often bear the brunt of comments which unintentionally tell us that we aren’t good enough the way we are and won’t be until we are married. Singleness is often treated like a disease for which a cure must be sought.

Simultaneously, though, I hope that today’s sermon will be challenging for you. We bear a unique burden to demonstrate the sufficiency of Christ to a world which tells us that we are insufficient without marriage or sex. Use this time as an opportunity to reflect on your own heart’s attitude and desires towards singleness and marriage. Do you view your singleness as a curse on your life, or as an opportunity to serve the Lord and serve others?

With that said, let’s briefly review the flow of thought in 1 Corinthians 7 as this will help our understanding of today’s passage.

Review of 1 Corinthians 7:1-24

Throughout this chapter, we have seen that Paul is addressing a very specific question from the Corinthian church. In verse 1, it states “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” This was most likely a quotation or summary of one of the topics which the Corinthian church had written about to Paul. Some in the Corinthian church thought they could enhance their spiritual standing by refraining from sexual relations altogether. Rob Lister called this the “sexless spirituality hypothesis.” Chapter 7 is Paul’s response to this hypothesis.

Verses 1-16 dealt with the application of this question towards those who were already married, dealing mainly with the topics of sex within marriage and divorce

Verses 17-24 are, as Jackson said, the “meat and cheese” of this theological sandwich that is 1 Corinthians 7. Here, Paul lays out his main point of the entire chapter which Jackson very nicely summarized for us:

• On one hand, our call (that is, our present circumstances like singleness and marriage) is NOT the most important thing about us
• On the other hand, our call (that is, our redemptive and salvific call, our identity in Christ) IS the most important thing about us

This brings us finally to our current passage today in verses 25-40

Here, Paul applies these principles to the betrothed, or those who are engaged. Like their counterparts earlier in the chapter, they are also wondering whether it would be a good idea to follow through and marry or whether they should break off their engagement or even stay engaged until a more appropriate time to marry later. This is the basis for his comments which follow.

Let’s start reading again in verse 25.

Setting the Stage (1 Corinthians 7:25-28)

²⁵ Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. ²⁶ I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

Immediately, a few things jump out which need to be clarified.

First, when he says, “I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy,” this is similar to what we saw earlier in the chapter when Paul spoke about divorce (“I, not the Lord”). There were certain situations where Paul had a direct command from the received tradition of Jesus’ teachings, and there were other situations, where he did not have a direct command from Jesus but is still giving a judgment as a trustworthy apostle. He’s not giving a mere opinion which we can just ignore. This is not uninspired Scripture. He is still speaking authoritatively as an apostle under God’s Spirit. In fact, he brackets this entire passage with a claim to authority by saying that he is both trustworthy (v.25) and has God’s Spirit (v.40)

Simultaneously, though, he is leaving a lot of leeway and freedom in how his words are applied. For example he says, “I say this … not to lay any restraint upon you.” (v.35) or “I wish that all were as I am, but each has his own gift from God” (v.7). Paul recognizes the complexity of life and isn’t going to lay down hard and fast rules beyond the Word of God. The challenge for us today is looking behind the specific advice he is giving Corinth and seeking to discover the general principles from which he is drawing.

The second thing we might notice: what is this “present distress/crisis” that he mentions? As you might imagine, since we don’t have the original letter that the Corinthians wrote to Paul, we don’t exactly know what this is referring to. To the best of our knowledge, this was probably some event or circumstance which highly influenced the Corinthians’ questions to Paul.

While many theories abound, the most popular theory among scholars is that there was a famine in the area. Extrabiblical literature spoke about famines in this region around the same time Paul was thought to have written the letter. Additionally, it could make sense, in part, about why he recommends singleness. If you are single, you only have to worry about feeding yourself; if you are married with children, you have to provide for them as well, which would prove difficult during a famine.

Nevertheless, whatever this present distress is, it is clearly shaping Paul’s advice that he is giving them. As much as we might like, Paul is not giving a treatise here on marriage and singleness. He is giving pastoral advice to a particular congregation—but he is doing so while drawing from true and godly principles. Again, this is what we need to discern if we are going to apply this passage to our own lives.

So, we see in verses 27-28, he gives them specific advice based on their present situation.

²⁷ Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. ²⁸ But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

But moving into verses 29-31, we start to see the main principle from which he is drawing from.

The Main Point/Overarching Principle (1 Corinthians 7:29-31)

²⁹ This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, ³⁰ and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, ³¹ and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

These verses are the crux of this passage and what he is driving at.

But what is Paul actually saying here? Is he really saying that if you have a wife, you should pretend as if she doesn’t exist? Or is he saying that we shouldn’t experience sorrow or joy from life’s circumstances? Or that we shouldn’t engage in commerce?

No. This would blatantly contradict what he said earlier in this chapter and what he says elsewhere in Scripture. So, what is he saying?

The key lies in looking at the first and last sentences of this section, where it mentions:

• “The appointed time has grown very short.” (v.29)
• “The present form of this world is passing away.” (v.31)

Paul is using these day-to-day activities in our present life as a means to draw our attention towards the future reality and immanence of Christ’s second coming. The “appointed time” that he mentions here is referring to Christ’s second coming. And when he says that “the present form of this world is passing away,” he is referring to the reshaping and remaking of the heavens and earth that will eventually come to pass.

So, Paul’s main point here, which is the main point of this whole passage, is that we should be living in light of Christ’s coming kingdom. We should, as I’ve titled this sermon, be living in light of eternity. This nicely complements the main point of the entire chapter in verses 17-24. If our earthly and temporary circumstances of this life are not what is most important, then what is of ultimate importance is what is eternal.

Now, on the other hand, Paul isn’t saying that our marriages aren’t important, that the emotional highs and lows of our earthly life aren’t important, that our jobs aren’t important, or that we should live completely detached from the world around us. Indeed, numerous other Scriptures call us to steward these responsibilities well.

But what Paul is saying is that these things are not what is ultimate. We should not be deriving our ultimate meaning or significance from such things. It is from Christ’s eternal redemption and eternal kingdom that we derive such things.

Now, there is one other thing I wish to point out in this section, and that is the fact that marriage is included among the things which Paul lists as being a part of the “present form of this world.” (“let those who have wives live as though they had none…for the present form of this world is passing away”).

This is very much in line with the rest of Scripture. In Matthew 22:29-30, the Sadducees, who denied the resurrection, were trying to trick Jesus by asking him that if the resurrection were true, what about a woman who had been married seven times in this life. Whose wife would she be in the resurrection? His response stunned them.

²⁹ But Jesus answered them, “You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. ³⁰ For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

In a parallel passage of this same interaction in Luke 20:34-36, Jesus is even more explicit

The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage, ³⁵ but those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage, ³⁶ for they cannot die anymore, because they are equal to angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection.

Marriage (that is, the little ‘m’ marriage) is a part of the present form of this world that is passing away. However, it also serves (as Paul writes about in Ephesians 5) as a beautiful picture and image of the eternal Marriage (that is, big ‘M’ marriage) between Christ and the Church collectively.

To say that our earthly marriages aren’t eternal might be a hard truth for some. For many, our marriages have been a deep source of joy, happiness, blessing, and sanctification. Yet, I want to say, as much as some of us—rightly—take great joy in our earthly marriages and God uses our earthly marriages to bless and sanctify us, they are never to be a source of our eternal hope in Christ.

Earthly marriage will pass away. And when we have perfect unity with our Savior and with one another as brothers and sisters, you won’t miss your earthly marriage one bit—including the sexual intimacy or any other benefits that came along with it. Jesus is the fulfillment of all our desires.

The Advantages of Singleness (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Let’s move on to verse 32. After providing the proper framework and lens through which they should be looking at this question of marriage vs. singleness, Paul gives some very practical wisdom.

Remember back in verse 28, Paul said, “Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.” Here in verses 32-35, he expands on what he means by that.

³² I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. ³³ But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, ³⁴ and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. ³⁵ I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

When Paul says that those who are married will have worldly troubles and anxieties, this should come as no surprise to anyone who’s been married longer than a week. As anyone who is married can tell you, despite the numerous joys and blessings of marriage, marriage is still difficult, at times extremely difficult. That’s just what happens when you unite two sinful human beings.

There will inevitably be one party who sees things differently from the other. One party might say, “The trash is full. Can you take it out?” The other party proceeds to shove the trash down in the trash can and replies, “Whatever do you mean?”

There are, of course, more serious examples as well. There will be one party who acts selfishly and may not even realize it; one party who loses self-control and is overcome by anger, frustration, sadness, or despair; one party who knows exactly how to hurt the other party and how to make it hurt the most. These are just the realities of marriage

When thinking through the decision about whether these betrothed Christians in Corinth should follow through with their marriage plans or break it off to remain single, Paul wants them to be fully aware of all sides of this issue. Yet, it is also fair to say that he is making his audience particularly aware about the advantages of singleness. After all, just back in verse 7, Paul says that he wishes that everyone was single as he was. Yet, he recognizes that this isn’t feasible for everyone.

So, what are the advantages of singleness? There are four advantages that I draw from this passage and from the wider Biblical narrative:

First, singleness is free from the anxieties of marriage.

Now, he isn’t saying that the single life is carefree and that there aren’t things to worry about. As a single person, I can tell you that this is just not true. What he is saying, though, is that singleness is free from the anxieties which particularly come with marriage.

It’s a fairly simple, yet profound truth which single people can often take for granted and which married people can fail to give proper heed to when counseling single individuals towards marriage. We can become so infatuated with the ideal marriage that we only focus on the blessings of marriage while forgetting to mention the extreme difficulties that often come with it. We would do well to have a proper balance between these two extremes when talking about singleness and marriage

This leads into my second advantage. Because single people are free from the anxieties of marriage, singleness affords us the ability to be “anxious about the things of the Lord.”

Now, when we hear the word anxious, we tend to think about being worried, or having a fear that comes from not trusting in the Lord. This isn’t what Paul means by anxiety. Paul is using a bit of a play on words here; the word that is translated ‘to be anxious for’ can also mean to care for, to be concerned for, or even to meditate on. The main idea is one of attention, something which is present and weighing heavily on your mind.

So, because single people are free from the anxieties of marriage, singles can have what Paul calls an “undivided devotion to the Lord.” What this does NOT mean is that married individuals are incapable of devoting themselves to the Lord. The elders of this church and many others live exemplary lives of how to devote oneself to the Lord while being married. Rather, every Christian is called to devote themselves to the Lord.

What this IS saying, very practically, is that married people can and must devote an enormous amount of focus and energy to their spouse (and their children if they have them). Single individuals do not have such a divide in their focus because they do not have obligations towards a spouse. If we want to go do something, we don’t have to check with our spouse first; we can just go do it. If we want to join a church ministry, we can. If a friend calls us in distress and wants to meet up, we can usually drop what we are doing and go minister to them.

But—and this is very important—singleness does not merely offer us additional freedoms, a more flexible schedule, or an ability to focus on particular tasks or people without distraction. These benefits come with responsibility. We are called to use our undivided attention for the Lord.

Let me camp on this for a minute.

In my opinion, one of the biggest failings of the church in regards to singleness is that we have failed to teach singles that their singleness has a purpose, that their singleness comes with responsibilities, that their singleness needs to be stewarded, and that this is true regardless of your desire to marry or not. Instead, the message that is often implied from those in the Church is that singleness has no good purpose.

To be fair, our culture doesn’t help with this problem. To our culture, singleness is a time for selfishness, immaturity, irresponsibility, and immorality. But this is not the Biblical vision of singleness. According to Paul, singleness is an opportunity to serve the Lord with undivided devotion.

To all the singles in here, I ask:

• Are you stewarding your singleness well and using it for the Lord?
• Are you using your additional freedom and focus to serve others and serve the Church?
• Or, are you using your singleness in accordance with our culture’s values?

Again, all these things apply to you regardless of whether you see singleness as a temporary or permanent calling in your life.

A third advantage of singleness is that singleness offers us a picture here and now of what our life will be like in eternity.

Just as marriage is a picture for how we will one day collectively as the Church relate with Christ as the Bridegroom, singleness is a picture for how we will one day individually relate with one another as brothers, as sisters, and as co-heirs with Christ. As we saw earlier from the lips of Christ in the gospels, singleness is described as our terminal state.

Lastly, singleness lived-out well bears a unique testimony to the gospel.

Barry Danylak, in his book Redeeming Singleness, does a masterful job tracing the Biblical narrative of marriage and singleness. In the Old Testament, from the time of Genesis, God created man and woman, commanding them to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28). To marry and have children was an outward sign of God’s covenantal blessing and provision with Israel. Throughout the Old Testament, this sign of marriage and having physical descendants anticipated the coming “seed” of Abraham, the coming of the suffering servant, the Messiah, descended from the line of Judah and David.

But with the advent of this Messiah—Christ Jesus—and a new covenant, everything changes. Instead of marriage and children being the outward sign of covenantal blessing, we are now given the inward sign of the Holy Spirit; now all covenantal blessing comes through Christ. Instead of God building a nation through physical procreation, he is now building a kingdom of priests and a holy nation through spiritual procreation and regeneration. No longer is our inheritance in the land contingent on whether we are married and have descendants. In Christ, we now have an imperishable inheritance waiting for us in heaven. These facts do not diminish marriage or children in any way, but it does mean that they are no longer “fundamental” to our life in the new covenant in the same way that it was under the old covenant.

Thus, in the conclusion of his book Danylak writes,

“Like Christian marriage, Christian singleness lived in its fullest expression is a powerful testimony to the gospel. In the unchanging commitment of love and submission expressed between husband and wife, Christian marriage testifies to God’s faithful covenantal love toward his people and their submission and reception to his sovereign love. Christian singleness is a testimony to the supreme sufficiency of Christ for all things, testifying that through Christ, life is fully blessed even without marriage and children. It prophetically points to a reality greater than the satisfactions of this present age by consciously anticipating the Christian’s eternal inheritance in the kingdom of God. Christian singleness lived as testimony of this gospel truth is a redeeming singleness.” (215)

From these advantages, we can plainly see that singleness is not second-best in the sight of God.

Application (1 Corinthians 7:36-40)

Let’s move on to our final section.

Starting in verse 36, Paul begins to apply the principles that he has just laid out in the preceding verses. Recall what he said in verse 28: “But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned.” Building off of that, he likewise says here in verses 36-37:

³⁶ If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. ³⁷ But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.

Paul gives them the option to either marry or remain single. Again, he is not trying to bind their conscience one way or the other. Rather, he is leaving it up to their judgment and their discernment. This is much the same way we need to operate today when single people ask themselves the question of whether they should marry—And yes, that is a question all singles should ask themselves. It should not just be assumed everyone will or should marry.

Paul summarizes his opinion in verse 38:

³⁸ So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

I’m going to let you sit with the tension in that verse for a minute and read Paul’s concluding remarks in verses 39-40:

³⁹ A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. ⁴⁰ Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

So, is Paul saying that those who refrain from marriage will always do better? And a widow who remains single will be happier? Is he privileging singleness as the default position for Christians? We shouldn’t let the force of such words pass us by. Paul just spent many verses making the case for why he believes singleness has advantages.

Nevertheless, there are a couple of considerations we need to keep in mind:

First, I would say that Paul is not making a moral judgment about singleness. He is not saying that singleness is morally superior to marriage as some have taken it. As we’ve seen, both singleness and marriage point towards our eternal life with Christ in different ways. Rather, in my view, Paul is making a practical judgment. We have to keep in mind that Paul was addressing a particular congregation in light of present distress in Corinth that we are unaware of today. Yet, this should not take away from the fact that singleness has advantages, is better in many circumstances, and points towards our eternal life in Christ in ways that marriage can’t.

Second, it might be helpful to compare these statements with what Paul says way back in verse 9, where he says that, “It is better to marry than to burn with passion.” So, on one hand, Paul says “he who refrains from marriage will do even better,” while on the other hand, he says “it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” This creates a certain tension, and it should. We have to be okay with the tension that this creates because what Paul is establishing here are general principles of wisdom, not rigid, hard and fast rules with no nuance to it. We see this in other parts of Scripture as well. Here’s just one example of this from Proverbs 26:4-5

⁴ Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself.  ⁵ Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.

While seemingly contradictory on its face, we can know from our own experience that there are times when these are both true. Sometimes a situation calls for answering a fool according to his folly, while in other situations we shouldn’t.

Similarly, the “better-ness” of singleness vs. the “better-ness” of marriage will largely be determined by a person’s individual circumstances. Saying this does not detract from the intrinsic “better-ness” that exists within singleness or the intrinsic “better-ness” within marriage. Each person must therefore be able to determine which will be better suited for himself or herself along with the leading of God’s Spirit and good counsel from those in the Church who know their situation well.

What is the Gift of Singleness? (1 Corinthians 7:7-9)

Lastly, before I conclude, I want to go back and read verses 7-9, which also addresses singleness. Rob intentionally left some aspects of this unaddressed for me to discuss. So, I want to make sure we cover one more important aspect of singleness that this chapter talks about.

⁷ I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. ⁸ To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. ⁹ But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

In verse 7, Paul, in reference to his own singleness, mentions that each person has their own gift which comes from God, one of one kind, one of another. What is this “gift of singleness” that we often hear about?

Typically, we hear the “gift of singleness” defined as this supernatural ability to go without sexual fulfillment. However, I think such a definition has several weaknesses.

1. It raises sexual fulfillment almost to the level of a necessity and presumes that you need a supernatural gift to go without it. That’s a recipe for sexual immorality, especially for those who desire to be married or have strong sexual desires but are unable to find a spouse
2. It defines a gift of the Holy Spirit as an absence of something which God created good. God created sexual desire and marriage as intrinsic goods. To define the gift of singleness solely by the absence of those goods can make it seem like God’s gift is just withholding something good from a Christian. This can lead to bitterness and discontentment.
3. It orients the gift towards ourselves and our desires/emotions rather than towards others. In 1 Corinthians, gifts of the Spirit are given for edification and service to the church
4. It carries with it this assumption that only those with this “gift” should remain single. However, this assumption ignores the complexities of life. There are often circumstances beyond our control which makes vocational singleness a wiser decision for some, even if it’s only for a time or season, and even if that person has strong sexual desires. I don’t need to go beyond my own situation to know that this is the case. Due to the complications and challenges with my own sexual desires, I have chosen to remain single out of obedience to God. This doesn’t permanently close the door to a potential marriage with a woman in the future, but right now, with where I am at, that seems unlikely and perhaps unwise for my situation. Vocational singleness is not merely for those with a supernatural ability that makes it easier.

I think a better definition of the gift of singleness is given by Barry Danylak:

“The charisma (gift) of singleness is a Spirit-enabled freedom to serve the King and the kingdom wholeheartedly, without undue distraction for the longings of sexual intimacy, marriage, and family.” (200)

This definition corrects many of the weaknesses of our common conception of the gift of singleness:

1. It puts the focus of the gift on the Spirit and on Christ our King, not on you.
2. It defines the gift in positive terms as a freedom, not as an absence or a lack of something good.
3. It rightly orients our mind towards service to God, his kingdom, and his Church.
4. He acknowledges that some might have longings for sexual intimacy, marriage, and family, but says we aren’t “unduly distracted” by them. I think this is often what is more in line with reality than someone who is devoid of such longings altogether.

But what I think is more important for us today is that we start thinking less about WHAT the gift of singleness is (which is not entirely made clear in this passage) and rather focus on what God has made clear: that he has called all of us who are single to steward our singleness for his glory and to pursue contentment in him alone, regardless of whether we have such a gift.

In fact, some scholars make the case that simply by being single, one has the gift of singleness. In practical and pastoral terms, I think this actually might be a better view to embrace.

So, you might be asking yourself: How do I know if I should stay single? The answer I’ve come to may not feel the most satisfying, but here it is: Whether or not you should stay single is only something which you can discern for yourself with God’s Spirit in the community of the church.

I wish that the presence of sexual desire was a hard and fast rule for this—and to be sure, it should definitely factor into our thinking—but a proper understanding of this whole chapter would seem to tell us this shouldn’t be the end-all-be-all of our decision-making process.

Conclusion

In closing, allow me to summarize several takeaways from our passage today:

1. In the Church, singleness and marriage should not compete with one another; they should complement one another.
2. We are called to live in light of our eternal hope in Christ, not our earthly circumstances. This especially applies to how we think about marriage and singleness.
3. Singleness offers unique advantages in our earthly lives to serve the Church and proclaim the gospel.
4. Like marriage, singleness points to a greater reality of eternal life in God’s kingdom.
5. One’s call towards marriage or singleness requires careful consideration in light of your particular circumstances in conjunction with the leading of God’s Spirit and the wisdom and discernment of God’s people
6. Regardless of whether you are single or married now or in the future, God calls each of us to steward our present circumstances for his glory and honor.

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